Saturday, October 30, 2010

Mencari diri yang Hilang


Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,
cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.


I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way


Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

SAKITNYA MUJAHADAH

aduh sakitnya mujahadah
ia meletihkan menyusah dan menjemukan
tuhan kerna kau ku lakukan juga
walaupun payah ku terus lakukannya

Dalam susah ku teruskan juga
Dalam jemu ku paksa juga diriku
Ku cuba melawan perasaan itu
Ku yakin dengan rahmatmu engkau kan bantu

engkau sebenarnya mahu melihat ku
bersungguh mujahadah ataupun tidak
engkau sebenarnya hendak menguji diri ini
setelah bersungguh tanpa jemu engkau kan bantu

setelah berlaku keseluruhan itu
engkau pasti akan tunjukkan jalan
jalanmu yang lurus jalan kebenaran
bantulah ku bermujahadah oh tuhan

agar aku percaya bermujahadah keranamu
supaya engkau bentang jalan kebenaran
agar aku menempuhnya ke jalan keselamatan
agar aku berjaya menempuhnya jalan kesenangan

engkau sebenarnya mahu melihat ku
bersungguh mujahadah ataupun tidak
engkau sebenarnya hendak menguji diri ini
setelah bersungguh tanpa jemu engkau kan bantu.


sebagai pembakar semangat buat diriku
lagu mawaddah...

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Young Mother............

Verbatimnof interview: Experience of being young mothers among ***** students

Interviewer

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim… My name is ************. I’m from student of qualitative research for psychology. We want to make a research for experience of young mother among ****** student. So, we want to ask ********** hmmm…can you tell me about your self first?

Interviewee

Ok, my name is *************. Err… I am 22 years old. Erm… I married on 21 years old that is last year. I had delivered my first child that is my daughter around Dicember last year. So, almost 2 years I’ve been a wife and 1 year as a mother. Erm… I am a ********* student at 3rd year in *******.

Interviewer

Ok, erm…can you tell me briefly about your experience during pregnancy?

Interviewee

Ok, my experience during pregnancy err… actually same like other mothers. We will face 3 months trimester that is very difficult trimester actually because erm… we will feel erm… in the early pregnancy, so, erm… we will feel sick err, we will have fever. Err… on the 4th month then we will feel stable until 9 month. We will just wait for the time to deliver.

Interviewer

Ok, can you describe your feeling after being a mother?

Interviewee

Hehehe… after being a mother I feel very happy, I feel erm… very erm.. like I feel very complete living a life because my daughter always cheer my everyday life err… when we have a child in early age we as a women we can deliver a child its feel like we had give something precious to our husband

Interviewer

So, you have a daughter?

Interviewee

Ah, yes! My daughter now 9 month old.

Interviewer

Erm… next, can you tell me your life after being a mother?

Interviewee

Erm… life after being a mother and before become a mother is too different because almost everyday life err…we have to divided our time among study, cooking, take care of our child, take care of our husband. So, when we look after all it is a busy life but it makes our life very complete because if still not married, we will feel our life just our own life. we do not have to take care of other people but it seems like it doesn’t have objective in the life. so, when we married we will be complete person.

Interviewer

But, sometimes have you ever feel tension or pressure?

Interviewee

Haha… I will feel tension when comes the time for examination or many assignments but when we see our husband face our child face it make err… we feel like happy because erm… it doesn’t feel oh, tension! Because we have a husband, we have a child no! we cannot say like that because it is our responsibility and it is something part of our life.

Interviewer

In general, how do you feel others treatment on you before and after marriage?

Interviewee

Before, erm… just like…it not just same. May be after married may be they look at me as matured student and erm… and… may be… may be they seems like to be more respect to me. I think so because I am a wife and a mother. That’s why. May be. I think so hehe…

Interviewer

Erm… have you ever feel they feel shy to make humor to you?

Interviewee

No, no, no! I don’t think so. Its just the same.

Interviewer

How you manage your family finance after having a baby?

Interviewee

Err… after having a baby we have to divide the pay the salary to erm… for the nursery, for the diapers, milk, may be its cost actually but from our belief as an islam, Allah will give us more rizk because a child is a rizk. Its not a burden.

Interviewer

But, your husband is already working?

Interviewee

Ah, yes!

interviewer

Have you make any part time job?

Interviewee

I did part time job but I cannot do it consistently because my priority is for study hehe…

Interviewer

For example, your part time job like?

interviewee

Err… like at café, Photostat, and may be I will try part time job in teaching quran.

interviewer

Generally, hows your income for your family right now?

interviewee

Erm… err… at this time… just ok. We just can say that may be sometime we will feel very difficult to face that. We just have little money but from what I can say almost 2 years I’ve been married we just can face it although we have some problem about the financial.

Interviewer

Do you have a scholarship?

Interviewee

No, am self sponsored

Interviewer

How about your parent and you husband’s parent if they also give pocket money to both of you?

interviewee

Erm… not so regularly. But sometimes we feel very difficult they will help us. It just not every month.

Interviewer

How do you carry your responsibility as a wife, mother, and student?

Interviewee

Emm… every day, I will go through my life, I will wake up in the morning make my child ready, change the diapers, I will cook for breakfast, I will get ready my cloth, my husband cloth. We will go to work and go to study. I will go back usually may be on evening or night. And then, I will just cook or make some housekeeping, and take care of my child, finish up my study work. just a routine. Just the difference among student at the hostel and me at the house just housework only. Taking care of my baby is not that difficult because my baby had been 9 month old rather than she still 1 month until 5 month. Because she still small.

Interviewer

You are living outside the campus, so you husband sent you to the class and take you from the class?

Interviewee

Hmm…

Interviewer

Usually, what time your husband sent to the class and what time he take you from the class?

Interviewee

Usually, he will send me at 8am or 8.15am and he will take me around 7pm or after Isyak or after Asar. Just like that.

Interviewer

So, while you waiting for your husband you just stay at the mosque or where?

Interviewee

May be I will stay at the mosque or I will finish up my work at the lab or library. So, when u reach at home, I just think about the housekeeping hehe…

Interviewer

How do you describe the pregnancy?

Interviewee

Hehehe… describe a pregnancy hmmm…we will have our baby in our tummy erm… it just for me it was a precious time because we will not get pregnant every year and we don’t ether we still get another child after this and emm… when I’m in pregnant I feel that I fell close to Allah because we caring an amanah. It was very precious time I just can say that.

Interviewer

When you are notice you are pregnant and what did you do?

Interviewee

I noticed err… at six weeks I’m in pregnant emm… and after I knew that I’m pregnant I just got fever. And its…I’m not very shock at that time because I already knew that I had pregnant because my period doesn’t came emm… its just like that.

Interviewer

Ok, last question err… how about your study, your achievement in your study?

Interviewee

Emm… about my achievement I can say that after I get married I had improve my study and I feel more enthusiasm to make my study more excellent. I really… actually I don’t regret about my marriage because emm… even though we have to face a busy life but it give us emm… more motivation to us as a student even though we have two responsibilities at the time.

Interviewer

Err… ******** ada cakap tentang trimester, trimester sama tak dengan morning sickness?

Interviewee

Trimester tu sebenarnya adalah tempoh err… 3 bulan awal kehamilan. Morning sickness tu pula sebenarnya emm… adalah alahan yang dialami oleh semua ibu mengandung sepanjang trimester ataupun sepanjang kehamilan bergantung kepada situasi ibu mengandung itu sendiri. Emm… tapi kelaziman seorang ibu mengandung adalah sewaktu 3 bulan awal kehamilan lah.

Interviewer

So, can you give the example during your experiencing the trimester and morning sickness?

Interviewee

Emm.. example of morning sickness err… for example I can’t smell anything like emm… smell from the refrigerator , I cannot smell someone else …. I cannot smell err… may be it is something that it is usually with smell but for err… pregnant women that having morning sickness it is difficult for them to face it because it something that very distracting but we have to face it for three months hmm…

Interviewer

Have you err… muntah-muntah?

Interviewee

Ah, yes! Especially when I eat chicken or something that may be oily or emm… santan hmm…

Interviewer

Owh… during you got morning sickness or you are in the phase of trimester, hmm… how you handle it?

Interviewee

Erm… when I really can’t emm…when I really can’t go through the morning sickness I will sleep or I will just lying down because err… usually err… pregnant women we will feel headache because we caring a baby and err… erm… on the early trimester we just have to err… sesuaikan diri dengan kehadiran err… seorang bayi dalam perut.

Interviewer

How about your study during that time? Is it distract your study?

Interviewee

Ok, it is not distracting much because I just feel tired but I still can focus and having exam. And at that time it was only on my… on my short semester. When I came in long semester I have become… I have gone through the morning sickness.

Interviewer

And, how about your husband, how he support… emm…in how he giving support to you?

Interviewee

Emm… errr… err… for example on one night I feel very headache, I cannot stand it, I think on 9pm or 8pm I think, he went to the grocery shop and bought me err… minyak angin because I cannot stand the headache that I felt at that time and I err… but he won’t let me do so much work emm…but not so because as a women we have to do the housework. May be he wil errl… I think… ya he help much trough my pregnancy.

Interviewer

Emm… in your study, err… kiranya macamana suami tolong dalam study tu macamana?

Interviewee

In my study, for example during my exam err… usually he will cook because I have to study for my examination and err… he will…. Err… he will let me err… he will force me to study because sometime I’m getting lazy hehe… but he give me much support.

Interviewer

Kiranya support tolong masak tu bukan time mengandung je la kiranya?

Interviewee

Hmm….hehehe…

Interviewer

Kiranya sepanjang dua tahun kahwin ni apa masalah besar yang pernah berlaku ataupun cabaran yang paling besar lah yang pernah dihadapi?

Interviewee

Hehehe… something that erm… err… may be it asam garam dalam rumahtangga we have to sometime being quarrel, sometime we have misunderstanding but usually the main point we have to communicate in a very emm… motivated way because we play many role of psychology and message because it dealing with our feeling with emm… respect each other and erm… ya the big problem is a concerning financial problem or some big misunderstanding between my family and his family. It is something like that. But, emm… I have to go through all of that because emm… for me may be err… err… its a test to me because if we do not being tested by Allah then, it is no prove that we are true in our iman or not.

Interviewer

Emm… kiranya ******** kahwin awal kan? Kiranya err… sometime people they do not prefer to early marriage, so, how about your family and relatives perception?

Interviewee

Hmm… may be sometimes err… first time they feel a little bit shock because I decided to married early but they just agree with me because may be that is the way to me to be an independent. May be they want me to just go through the marriage life err… that now they are helping me much even though I choose err… married early err… in studying life and not so many negative perception because one of my mother ‘s friend also married during his study eh, her study.

Interviewer

Emm… during your baby is 1 to 5 months you said it’s a difficult time to taking care of your baby, in what way?

Interviewee

Emm… because err… from 1 to 2 month or 3 month err… the baby actually can’t see err… can’t see anything. He just can see something that red. That is the usual err… the usual keadaan that faced by all babies. When she is in that condition emm… the baby always want to be hug, always want milk. So, and emm… the baby also still cannot play and just can lying there and emm they cannot just do anything rather than crying or smiling. That’s all and its sleeping time during that time is very err…. Kena jaga rapi. If they hear anything even though a little sound they will just terkejut. So, we have to jaga dengan rapi lah.

Interviewer

Time tu ******** dah mula kelas dah?

Interviewee

Err… not yet. I’ve start my class during she 4 month old. At the time its just ok.

Interviewer

So, you send your baby to the nursery during her age …?

Interviewee

During 4 month old.

Interviewer

Usually, you will go back to home around 7pm or evening. So, your daughter is in the nursery until when? Emm… sampai bila?

Interviewee

Sometime until 8pm or 9pm. It just may be I’m having examination or my husband have to be on duty on isyak prayer err… not so frequently but if I can back early on 5pm or 6pm I will just take her back.

Interviewer

Emm… you are still younger emm… have you ever feel want to be like other ladies who are single, Who are still can going out with their friends ?

Interviewee

Sometimes, I will feel like that but when I think back, its just nothing because err… when we just a single women we cannot do much because emm… err… because we just dealing with err… routine work like study, just may be going in or out but it is a different life from the marriage life when we become a married person, when we go back to the house we can face err… we can see our husband our daughter. That is the happiest moment or the happiest person that we have. Because when we still single we just… we don’t have anyone, we have our family but may be they are far from us. Sometimes, we even though we can’t share something privacy with them but our husband you can share anything with him.

Interviewer

Can you share what… err… you are doing housework at home, what kind of housework that you do at home?

Interviewee

Usually, I will ensure the sink is clear. I don’t want to see any rubbish at the floor. My kitchen is clear; the tools are all has been washed. Err… also the clothes has been ironed err… and my baby... may be it just like that.

Interviewer

Kiranya… buat-buat semua tu kiranya ******* akan tdur pukul berapa?

Interviewee

Usually, when I go back late usually I will sleep at 1am or 2 am. Just want to ensure that our clothes has been washed has been ironed because I don’t have much time at the day time because at the day time almost I finish my time at U***. I just can sleep at night and I cannot let all the clothes be there until emm… weekend because my husband will get angry with me. I have to do it even though I’ll wake late. It…it…it has been my routine and em… may be I feel tired but I just… I just… I will find some times to get rest but not so much because there are many works to be done.

Interviewer

Err… last sekali how you err… sebagai seorang ibu lah, err… may be you can give advice or harapan to other future mothers.

Interviewer

Hehe… my advice is just err… just keep the patient in yourself because in life we will feel many crisis, we will face many problems emm.. that is… but it is not a distracting in life but t is a life and the most precious…. to face all of it emm… test in our life is to be patient because if we don’t have the patient the bigger problem will be come hmm…

Interviewer

Thank you for sharing and sorry for anything

Interviewee

Its ok